Humor | good grin
The Dumb Kid
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the quarters and leaves the dollar. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store & says, "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!'
Supporting the Family
A newly engaged couple were having dinner with the bride-to-be's parents. Things were going smoothly until her father decided to find out a little more about her fiancé.
The prospective father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?"
The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves."
For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write, "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for the child support to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
"Honey, she said, 'you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce"
The Funeral Procession
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity.
He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. "Whose funeral is it?"
''What happened to her?"
The man replied, "She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"
The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."
A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men. "Can I borrow the dog?" The man replied, "Get in line."
Old Timer's Golf
Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf. The pro asked, “Did you have a good game today?” The first old guy said, “Yes, I had three riders today.” The second old timer, “I had the most riders ever, five.”The third, “I had seven riders, the same as last time.” And the last said, “I beat my old record. I had 12 riders.”
After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had overheard the conversation, went to the pro and asked, “I’ve been playing golf a long time and I thought I knew all the terminology, but what the heck is a rider?”
The pro responded, “A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to get in the cart and ride to it!”
Posted by OWoN Team, edited by canauzzie on Friday, May 09, 2014