Humor | Simple Truths


Lovers help each other undress before sex. However after sex, they always dress on their own.

Simple Truth: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.


When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, "Congrats".

But, none of them touch the man's penis and say, "Good job".

Simple Truth: Some members of a team are never appreciated.


1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the asshole's name.

3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.


Condoms don't guarantee safe sex.

A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

Putin: “We Have to Think About How to Take this Money”

The Offshore games will end and with it will go the sleaze and corruption as Society then gets a chance.

Testosterone Pit
14 June 2014

“An epidemic of the world economy” is what Russian President Vladimir Putin called offshore jurisdictions that companies use to dodge taxes. American corporations were abusing this practice, and it affected continental Europe more than others, he said according to the state-owned official news and propaganda agency ITAR-TASS, just as the EU has started investigating these companies.

He was right. American companies are masters at this. Using various tricks and loopholes that Congress hand-tailored for them, they shift profits from the US and other countries to tiny low-tax jurisdictions, such as Bermuda, Ireland, or Singapore. A study found that over the past eight years, 14 American tech and pharma icons cut their average tax rate by a quarter and stashed nearly $500 billion into entities registered in low-tax offshore jurisdictions.

This moolah can be invested anywhere, even in the US. Apple accumulated $102 billion in sheltered profits in Irish subsidiaries by using a “complex web” of offshore mailbox companies, according to the Senate report that vivisected Apple’s tax-dodge strategies. One such subsidiary with no employees made $30 billion in profits and didn’t pay a dime in taxes to any government anywhere. That was the cash Apple refused to “repatriate” for its stock buybacks. But Apple didn’t have to repatriate it: the Irish mailbox subsidiaries kept the money in a bank in New York where it was managed by an Apple subsidiary in Reno, Nevada.

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Jobs Friday: What The Bubblevision Revelers Missed

The trouble with Lies and statistics is that none of it pays the rent.

"So a 77 month jobs drought is a big deal, yet search the financial press and you will find no mention." 

The rest is balderdash! There was no recovery and will be no recovery without real job creation.

Contra Corner
By David Stockman
12 June 2014

Yes, the nonfarm payroll clocked in at 138.5 million jobs and thereby retraced for the first time the point at which it stood 77 months ago in December 2007. This predictably elicited another “milestone of progress” squeal from the mainstream media.

So you have to wonder. Did these people skip history class? Do they understand the vital idea of “context”? Are they so mesmerized by paint-by-the-numbers agit prop from Wall Street and Washington that they have come to mindlessly embrace the notion that any number that is better than the last “print” is all that it takes—regardless of composition, quality or longer-term trend?

Thus, consider the ancient days of the Reagan era. Back then there were actually 15.0 million new jobs by the time that 77 months had elapsed after the June 1982 bottom. And these were honest-to-goodness new jobs that had never before existed, not born again jobs of the type that CNBC has made a “jobs Friday” fetish out of ever since the Great Recession was officially declared over in June 2009.

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Why China Will Implode: Its A Monumental Building Aberration, Not An Economy

A nightmare is unfolding in China and the West. Reality will be cruel.

I'd argue that a lot of North American and European fiscal and social problems are routed in a reluctance/refusal to deal with the infrastructure problems that exist there. Whether it's bridges at border crossings and on highways, stupid expectations as to the life of road and highway surfaces, design standards for highways that were outdated when they were proposed, inadequate water and sewage collection, distribution and treatment systems, or housing. Consider the stupidity in Spain and Portugal where they were building at the rate of 2.5M homes/year when demand was about 400K - inevitably, the bubble was going to come crashing down.

But building appropriate infrastructure isn't enough. You also must maintain that infrastructure and that's where we've gone badly wrong. Appropriate fiscal support structures were put in place, and then almost immediately the politicians began robbing peter-to-pay-paul from those support structures. The US, Canada and Northern Europe went through similar boom periods of cement consumption in the late 1930's and for 20 years after WWII (as the Chinese and Arabs are now.) But because we've not kept up with population growth, we've now have a 2.5 hour drive (on a good day) from Brampton to Oshawa, ie: roughly 100 km or 80 miles across Toronto on Hwy 401.

Much of our societal problems are really the result of rather limited reasonably paying jobs for poorly educated people. The only way to break that cycle is to keep them productively employed for not one but two generations. (I'll avoid discussing what I think about stupid US and Canadian immigration policies that are compounding the problem.) We complain about waiting times for medical treatments here but if you actually look at what's happening, the problem is mostly elderly relatives of immigrants who were allowed in on compassionate grounds. Those people did nothing productive here so why should our countries' public support them in public facilities at public expense?)

~ guest author, name withheld.

Contra Corner
By David Stockman
15 May 2014

The thing to understand about China is that it is not just another booming EM economy that is momentarily struggling to cool-down its excesses in fixed asset investment and make a transition to some kind of more “normal “consumer-based economy. That comforting notion represents an odd-confluence of propaganda from the comrades in Beijing and hopium from Wall Street stock peddlers.

In fact, China is a grotesque economic aberration that bears no relationship to prior economic history or any conventional economic models-–not even to the export-mercantilism model originally developed by Japan, and which has now proven itself wholly unsustainable. Instead, China is a nation that has gone mad building,speculating and borrowing on the back of a credit bubble so monumental (and dangerously unstable) that its implications are resolutely ignored by observers deluded by the notion that China embodies a unique economic model called “red capitalism”.

But when a nation’s debt outstanding explodes from $1 trillion to $25 trillion in 14 years, that’s not capitalism, even if its red. What it represents is monetary madness driven by the state.

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Tony Blair: the whole Middle East is under threat - but it is not our fault

From Blair himself, a deluded Liar! His epitaph as the Vatican Account Bag Boy, is the immoral destruction of a nation and death of a million. An arrogant, lying, duplicitous war criminal! Scum!

**click on article title link to view video**

Former prime minister argues in essay on his website that terrorists must be hit with force and that inaction over Syria has dragged the West toward the abyss

The Telegraph
By Tony Blair
14 June 2014

The civil war in Syria with its attendant disintegration is having its predictable and malign effect. Iraq is now in mortal danger. The whole of the Middle East is under threat.

We will have to rethink our strategy towards Syria; support the Iraqi Government in beating back the insurgency; whilst making it clear that Iraq’s politics will have to change for any resolution of the current crisis to be sustained. Then we need a comprehensive plan for the Middle East that correctly learns the lessons of the past decade. In doing so, we should listen to and work closely with our allies across the region, whose understanding of these issues is crucial and who are prepared to work with us in fighting the root causes of this extremism which goes far beyond the crisis in Iraq or Syria.

It is inevitable that events in Mosul have led to a rerun of the arguments over the decision to remove Saddam Hussein in 2003. The key question obviously is what to do now. But because some of the commentary has gone immediately to claim that but for that decision, Iraq would not be facing this challenge; or even more extraordinary, implying that but for the decision, the Middle East would be at peace right now; it is necessary that certain points are made forcefully before putting forward a solution to what is happening now.

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Iraq: The real strategy is about to succeed

No question about Iraq. It IS a total failure of US AND British tactical screw ups. BOTH are to Blame! A needless and dirty war of lies and corruption.

The Rebel
By Tom Mysiewicz
14 June 2014

“The events that are taking place in Iraq are an illustration of a complete failure of the venture started by the US and the UK that allowed it to spiral out of control completely” Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov recently told journalists.

Mr. Lavrov, I’m sure, knows better and is merely speaking for the press regarding the stated goals of the Iraq war. For the Anglo-Americans and their Israeli cohorts knew full well even before the 2003 invasion what they were doing and what the outcome would be. Very possibly, Mr. Lavrov never read my Oct. 2nd, 2005 predictions of Iraq’s fate in a Media Monitors article entitled “The End” (

“What has been the end of the Neocon's Iraq strategy from the start?...For some two years prior to the Iraq war, in Council of Foreign Relations and other elite circles, stories were circulated about the benefits of partitioning Iraq into Shiite, Sunni and Kurdish regions for the benefit of the "Greater Mid East" (read instead: "Eretz Israel")...This could lead to a bloody civil war--easily anticipated prior to the U.S. invasion--and probably leave the Israelis in control of the majority of Iraq's oil through proxies in a future Kurdistan…A depopulated, destroyed Iraq will be in no position to prevent the diversion of its oil supplies and water from the Tigris and Euphrates to Eretz Israel. Further, the conflict could spill over into Syria and Iran and other regional states, possibly drawing them into a conflict reminiscent of the Iran-Iraq war.”

This is coming to pass as you read this. With the Kurdish seizure of Kirkuk—effectively asserting control of much of the country’s oil wealth (much oil already being sold outside the aegis of the Iraqi central government anyway) for their Israeli patrons—and conquest of Sunni areas by ISIL/ISIS/Takfiri elements (enriched by a curious $450-million bank heist and much “captured” American-supplied military equipment) I contend that the real goal of the Iraq invasion and Israeli/Anglo-American policy is about to be realized—the partition of Iraq.

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Revealed: How Obama SET FREE the merciless terrorist warlord now leading the ISIS horde blazing a trail of destruction through Iraq

Classical missteps. This IDIOT in the White House released the very Warlord now causing chaos in Iraq.

These are the only two known photos of Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. He is seen here on the left as a prisoner half a decade ago and on the right more recently as the shadowy head of the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant, ISIL, also known as ISIS

  • The U.S. once had Islamic State of Iraq and al-Shams (ISIS) leader Abu Bakr al Baghdadi in custody at a detention facility in Iraq, it was revealed Friday
  • Al Baghdadi was among the prisoners released in 2009 from the U.S.'s now-closed Camp Bucca near Umm Qasr in Iraq
  • It is unclear why the U.S. let the merciless al Qaeda leader slip away
  • Al Baghadadi and his troops took the Iraqi cities of Fallujah and Ramadi earlier this year and conquered Tikrit and Mosul within the last several days
  • They are now bearing down on Baghdad, burning down everything that stands in their way and carrying out executions on Iraqi civilians, soldiers and police officers
  • ISIS posted an image today of an officer's decapitated head tweeted with sickening message: 'This is our ball. It's made of skin #WorldCup'

Mail Online
By Francesca Chambers
13 June 2014

The United States once had Islamic State of Iraq and al-Shams (ISIS) leader Abu Bakr al Baghdadi in custody at a detention facility in Iraq, but president Barack Obama let him go, it was revealed on Friday.

Al Baghdadi was among the prisoners released in 2009 from the U.S.'s now-closed Camp Bucca near Umm Qasr in Iraq.

But now five years later he is leading the army of ruthless extremists bearing down on Baghdad who want to turn the country into an Islamist state by blazing a bloody trail through towns and cities, executing Iraqi soldiers, beheading police officers and gunning down innocent civilians.

It is unclear why the U.S. let the merciless al Qaeda leader slip away, however, one theory proposed by The Telegraph is that al Baghadadi was granted amnesty along with thousands of other detainees because the U.S. was preparing to pull out of Iraq.

The United States began withdrawing troops from Iraq in 2010,and Camp Bucca closed in 2011 along with the United States' other military facilities as President Obama declared that the War in Iraq had come to an end.

Another possible explanation is that al Baghadadi did not become a jihadist until after his release from Camp Bucca.

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Russian Aerospace Defence Forces placing S-300 in operational readiness

Russia is not waiting around and will be ready for trouble if it comes. Ready to take down the US or NATO.

Practice makes perfect.

Photo: RIA Novosti

Units of the Russian Aerospace Defence Forces taking part in an exercise outside Kaliningrad are placing S-300 air-defence missile systems in operational readiness and locking on targets at different heights, the Defence Ministry Press-Service and Information Directorate told RIA Novosti.

The Voice of Russia
13 June 2014

A joint exercise of the Baltic Fleet, the Russian Airborne Troops and the Russian Air Force directed by the Western District commander is being held in the Kaliningrad Region. Aerospace defence units pursue defensive of the aerospace in the exercise area.

The exercise is taking place at the same time with the NATO international exercises Saber Strike 2014 and Baltops 2014 that started in Europe. The Russian Baltic Fleet maneuvers are monitored by The Alster reconnaissance ship of the German Navy.

"During the exercise, Aerospace Defence units are fulfilling tasks in putting missiles onto launch platforms and preparing them for field firing, as well as acquisition tracking of solitary and collective air targets at low and super-low heights," the Defence Ministry said.

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'Iraq chaos is Tony Blair’s legacy’: Intervention by ex-PM in 2003 destabilised the country and left it open to extremism, says Home Office minister

Yes, Phony Tony scumbag. The million dead and chaos now IS your F !!!! fault you Political slimy scumbag. You and alcoholic Campbell with your false WMD report, colluded by Scarlet at SIS, caused this disgrace you shameful, oily little Vatican / Bush bag man. Shame on you forever. Liar, Liar, Liar and phony.

The collapse of Iraq and the impending disaster was last night branded as 'Tony Blair's legacy' after the former Prime Minister, left, agreed to George W Bush's middle east war

  • Government 'rules out' new Iraqi campaign despite major Jihadist threat
  • Al Qaeda militants have seized large areas of northern Iraq
  • Norman Baker said Iraq was stable under Saddam 'in a vile sort of way'

Mail Online
By James Chapman
12 June 2014

The disaster unfolding in Iraq was branded ‘Tony Blair’s legacy’ last night as Britain ruled out military intervention.

Though Islamist extremists are threatening to seize Baghdad, Foreign Secretary William Hague said Britain was ‘not contemplating’ any form of action, and Nato chief Anders Fogh Rasmussen said there was no role for the alliance.

US President Barack Obama insisted his country had an interest in stopping jihadists taking control and said he was looking at ‘all options’, including drone strikes.

Iraq is facing a return to its darkest days after al Qaeda-linked militants seized a huge swathe of the Iraq’s northern region and vowed to press on to the capital.

The developments have reignited debate over the wisdom of the decision of Mr Blair and US President George W Bush to invade Iraq in 2003, at the cost of 179 British lives and at least £9 billion.

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